Monday, October 27, 2008

Military Intelligence is still my favorite oxy-moron.

To say that the cranky old men running the military are out of touch with technology and the ways in which people use it would be a masterpiece of understatement.

If you follow the news you may have heard about this report released by the 304th Military Intelligence Battalion wherein they outline the deadly potential of Twitter. The level of technological ignorance of certain parts of this report are so astonishing I'm amazed they managed to convert it to a .pdf file for distribution. More likely they produced it on their trusty WWII era surplus typewriters and hauled it down to Kinko's to have it 'fixed for computer.'

Here are a couple of Twitter Terror scenarios they are concerned about.

  • Terrorists monitoring troop movements will use Twitter on their cell phones to coordinate attacks on American soldiers.

  • Terrorists planning a bombing will use cell phone pictures and tweets to choose the best moment to detonate a bomb.

Hey! Asshats! You don't need Twitter for any of that! Cell phones already do all that stuff and have for years! The only difference is that if they use Twitter it is easier for you to monitor and catch them! How much tax payer money was expended in the preparation of this report and can we get a refund please?

But wait! There's more!

By far my favorite concern expressed by the report is this:

  • Terrorists will follow the tweets of a soldier in the field and use Twitter to obtain tactical information.

As if soldiers are just running around the desert twittering troop strengths and movements to their girlfriends back home.

Hey! Asshats! You know what you should be more concerned about?

How about the NBC Nightly God Damn News!?

Don't believe me? Watch this special report on Viper Company in Afghanistan! It details the tactics they are using to flush out the Taliban in specific locations. Deceptive tactics! Tactics that don't work if the bad guys know what you are doing! Tactics you probably shouldn't have on the fucking news!

That's my intelligence report for you assholes. That'll be $30 million (Euros please!)

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