Wednesday, November 12, 2008

There oughtta be a law against...

...well, a lot of stuff really.

I hate to say it. I love freedom as much as anyone. I say smoke all the weed you want, make moonshine in your bathtub, hell get married and bang each other in your hairy assholes if that's what makes you happy. These are not things I require government intervention in. In a perfect world where people take responsibility for their own lives, civil liberties and the free market could be wonderful things. Alas, many Americans are far too stupid to care about their own self interests. Belief in deregulation and the infallibility of the free market is the belief that you can serve cake and ice cream to toddlers on fine china.

This is why we can't have nice things!

For far too long the American government has stood by and done nothing as corporate America preys on and fleeces the stupid. One would think the stupid would wise up after a while but they aren't and it's time for the feds to step in and take their toys away before somebody puts an eye out! (Actually it's too late.)

Payday Loans

In a responsible society: A useful service in rare emergencies. Be sure and pay it off on payday! That's why they call them that!

In 'Real America': Predatory lending at it's worst. A revolving credit line at over 500% APR that is crippling millions of idiots and, by extension, our economy. Everyone knows it. Even the idiots ruining their own lives know it. It's a $28 billion annual trickle up and it's perfectly legal. Can we really be this stupid?


In a responsible society you wouldn't have destroyed your credit in the first place so there would be no need for rent-to-own.

In 'Real America': It's the 'Cracker Jacks' of payday loans. You get a prize! Why don't you just wait a few months for that t.v. Save up that $30/week in a sock until you can buy it for $500 instead of renting it now and paying $5,000 for it.

Good news idiots! I got this in the mail this week, looks like you won't have to make two stops every friday anymore!


Drive-Thru Windows

In a responsible society: An occaisional convenience when you are in a rush.

In 'Real America': A dietary staple for millions of sedentary ham-beasts. The ultimate example of American laziness and excess.

It seemed like a really great idea in the 1940s but the fast food drive-thru spread like a malignant tumor over the last 60 years bringing nothing but heart attacks and global disaster. If you think Americans should be allowed easy inexpensive access to ultra high calorie/low nutrient food take a look at this.

Clearly Americans lack the self control necessary to handle drive-thru dining. Maybe if you had to waddle your fat ass inside the restaurant in plain view of the general public you would be too embarrassed to order that extra Big Mac with your value meal!

Also consider the environmental impact drive-thrus must have. I really wish someone would do a study of the carbon footprint of drive-thru traffic. All those cars idling away in those lines, wasting gas, belching fumes. Millions of them, every day. Why would we rather sit in a drive-thru lane for 15 minutes than go into the relatively empty counter where we can be out in under 5?

Someday soon you'll probably be able to take care of your dinner, furniture payment and payday loan all at the same drive-thru window. THIS IS THE FUTURE YOU ARE CHOOSING FOR YOURSELVES!

Renting-to-own deez McRims bitch.

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1 comment:

Matt said...

Yeah, in the middle of an energy crisis I would argue to outlaw drive-thru windows and NASCAR. They're totally unnecessary and waste tons of finite resources.